What are some significant ways people can be alike or opposite?

Elements of Attraction

Physical attractiveness. “I think we seek a certain level of attractiveness similar to our own,” Ickes says. “The Beast looks for Beauty, not the other way around.” If unattractive people pursue attractive people, they are not as likely to be successful, so soon stop doing it.

Money. If you have zero dollars, you may aspire “to hook up with a mate who’s loaded,” Ickes says, “but what is the chance this person is interested in you?”

Desire for children. If the desire for a family is a source of contention, similarity of desire might be better, Ickes says.

Religion. “I know some successful mixed marriages,” Ickes says. “If you respect and tolerate the differences and don’t use the kids as pawns, you can choose your own [spiritual] path.”

Class. “How often do you see an aristocrat marry a commoner in real life?” Ickes asks. “That’s so rare you only see it in the movies.”

Education. “Educated people do not tend to marry stupid people,” Ickes says. “But uneducated people can be smart. You need to be able to talk, interact, and share world views.”


"We are flattering ourselves as social scientists if we think we can intervene in these matters," Ickes laughs. "People who have studied attachment pretty much have learned that if two people are physically proximate and neither does bad things to the other, they can fall in love. They just have to be around each other enough. People do not look at a spreadsheet or checklist."